Post #41- Why I'm scared.

I have a hard time believing in love at first sight at this age. There is always someone catching my eye but I prefer substance over looks any day. The older I get the more I'm aware of what I want and don't want. I'm too old for games and too young for the couch potato. Most of the population is eliminated by marriage or too much baggage. I'm sure there are great people out there who feel like I do but they are too few and far between.

The atmosphere...Picture a room full of lost, empty, shallow, desperate people making complete asses out of themselves hoping to hook up with someone that just might fall madly in love with the fact that they have no morals, self respect or dignity of any kind! Doesn't it sound enticing?

I'm always being told I will find someone to love when I least expect it. I shouldn't have a problem at this point. The truth is I denied for years that I needed to be with anyone. Tough, independent, self-sufficient but unavoidably human. Forgot that part!

Final

Eight feet in the air and only seconds to get it right, I had no choice but to land the jetski upright. A seemingly endless moment where fearless youth and harsh reality compete, youth prevailed and I brought her down. White knuckles, blistered thumbs, a pounding heart, and a pissed passenger; I let off the throttle and welcomed the purr of her unprovoked motor. The "animal" owned by many but tamed only by a few required concentration, stability and absolute fearlessness.

Few things in life give me more of a rush than the wind whipping past my face at excessive rates of speed. Combine that intense feeling with an almost naked body, a hot tan, and the rush of cold water smacking your skin and you've found an uncertain glory in the world of jetski racing. In all that glory lurks numerous distractions. There are no yellow lines to divide you from the other "skiers". Even in reduced speeds, you need to be on constant watch. There is no test to pass to wrap your legs around this monster machine. Inexperience doesn't have to be yours to meet someone head on. Turning for that split second to check out the half dressed person who just passed you is the true test of concentration and without a doubt, the most challenging.

There is the law of "wake jumping". Someone decided they owned the waves left behind their speeding boat and took away our right to mess them up. Tell a person on a jetski they can't jump a wake is like telling Hugh Hefner he can't cop a feel. Something doesn't seem right about that. Ignoring the "road signs", we took every opportunity to jump. Depending on the size and speed of the boat you could find yourself flying in the air as much as ten feet. This wasn't something you did with your eyes closed. Knees squeezed tight, body low and all the stability you could muster meant the difference between a good landing and a full body enema.

There is something magical about believing you can live forever. The gift of ignorance and the joy of youth can make you do some crazy things. Pushing a 750 jetski to its speed limit and turning the handles at full throttle was without a doubt completely, insanely fun! Submerging the machine and your body up to your waist then catapulting out of the water like a cork from a champagne bottle was a rush beyond words. A move I owned proudly was the trademark of a fearless skier.

Ten years later I sit on the dock of Greenlake watching the skiers zoom by and I find myself disappointed not to see a "water dig" or "wake jump". I listen to the retired camp owners complain about the noise and the recklessness of todays youth and I imagine just for a few moments what it would be like to go back.

Post #40-I'm scared

I haven't been out in almost a year. I'm not much for bars or nightclubs. It's just not me but I was bored so I ventured out. I'm truly scared by the entire atmosphere. What is this world coming to? I hated it. It was like being in hell only worse. I honestly felt scared. I'm single and I honestly don't think I am going to find anyone who comes close to having any substance. if you have found someone you love and you doubt they are everything you need, think twice about that. Chances are you have found the right one. It gets worse as I get older. I am a loyal, honest, forthright, caring person yet I haven't found that cerain someone. I honestly don't think I will. That's sad!

Required Post #39-Exhale

I've been living outside of myself the past few weeks. I feel like I've been a stranger in my own skin. It's nothing crazy. I just haven't wanted to be in the moment. I have distanced myself from a lot of things. School wasn't one of them but I AM looking forward to the break. I think I'm headed for a road trip. Tennessee most likely. I have some great friends there. I feel like I need to exhale. Time for bed!

Blogs visited #9

http://wwwaboutme.blogspot.com
http://xxmadiesxx.blogspot.com

Blogs visited #8

http://jcherweg.blogspot.com
http://learnaboutmike.blogspot.com

Required Post #38- My Grade

I always read your website. You're sarcastic and witty so it's welcomed reading. I'm floored by people getting even slightly pissed that they can't make up work that they haven't done for three months. Your expectations don't exceed reason. From day one, you let us know we are responsible for our work. What more could anyone want? I was talking to a former student (one of the pissed off ones) and he was mad because you sent him notice he was failing your class. I asked him if he had been doing his blog, if his essays were done etc. No, No and No! Okay, "What would you expect him to do?" I asked if he had talked to you about it. Again, No! "You haven't been to any classes, done any assignments, talked to him about possibly making up the work (this was weeks ago) and you're pissed he is failing you?" ... Obviously, not your problem he's lazy, inconsiderate and assuming. At the end of the conversation, it was obvious what I thought about him and he ended by saying, "I have nothing against him, I just wish he would have said something to me." He still didn't get it. Some never do.

I can honestly say there is only one professor I haven't exactly "enjoyed" but I think he will come around with experience. I consider myself a generic, mushy writer. I like to write but don't put myself in situations where writing is uncomfortable. You knocked me around a couple of times, and shook some writing sense into me. I give you a definite passing grade both as a teacher and a human being. It truly has been a pleasure being in your class!

I'm sorry I don't have some seriously intense bitching for you. Something tells me you won't get much of that.

Required Post #37-It's over

I get to keep my dogs! I have been in mediation for 6 months with an old boyfriend. I won't get into all the boring details. When I ended this relationship, both dogs were already living with me. He never wanted the dogs. In fact, he hated them. He complained constantly because they were "too much work."

I understand that labs aren't for everyone. They are hyper, need constant attention, and can be extremely irritating for someone with limited patience. Gary had zero patience. Duke is my black lab. He is 110lbs of pure muscle. We were horsing around one evening. Gary didn't like the dogs in the house so I waited for him to go to work. The second he drove out of the driveway, I opened the gait. They sprang into the house like horses jacked on steroids. Well...I was hot from grappling with the dogs so I cracked a heinekin and plopped my butt in the recliner. Just as I leaned back, in one leap, Duke jumped from one end of the den directly into my lap. The beer hit my lip, went up my nose and all over me and the recliner. My lip was swollen, I was wet but not the least bit mad. How could I be? This big knucklehead of a dog was licking the beer off my face. He was just happy to be up there with me and I was happy to have him.

It's finally over. Six months of unecessary stress and $6000.00 dollars later, I am the official sole owner of Duke and Hunter. Gary thinks he somehow won because I had to pay for a lawyer and forfeit a large portion of the proceeds from the sale of our home. What he doesn't know is I would have given up everything if there was truly a chance I could have lost them. There are more important things in life than money. I couldn't see spending the next six months worrying. It wasn't worth it and neither was he.